I read the books. Dog eared the important pages. Created new Pinterest boards. Screen-shotted the important tips to help me sleep, cope and learn. There were very few things in the books and posts that applied to my lifestyle and how I wanted to begin my parenting journey. I wanted to share some things that those parenting books don’t tell you so that you aren’t too alarmed when your world is turned upside down. In a good way of course!
Now keep in mind, some of these are mentioned in articles but I feel that they weren’t stressed enough. Some of these are so critical to your postpartum (you too dads) that they need to be addressed and highlighted. They should be acknowledged as a very crucial part of becoming a parent and making that shift into a harmonious new life.
Disclaimer: I am grateful to be of service and provide content that brings value to your life. However, I’m not a doctor, health care physician, or expert of any kind. This post may also contain affiliate links where I receive a small commission at no extra cost to you. See full disclosure for more details.
A lot of what I’m about to share is just what I’ve learned personally. Its all helped me to move through the new parent phase with grace, ease, and patience. Three things we all really need to cultivate when transitioning into this new phase of life.
I also want to mention the parenting books are fine, but most of the ones I’ve read didn’t tell me very crucial aspects of my life that needed to change.
There was one by Tracy of Raised Good that was by far the best. So I repeat, there are plenty of good parenting books out there. However, I feel they need to be brought to the forefront if peoples attention!
Keep reading to see what those parenting books don’t tell you!
Become the witness
Becoming a parent we always think we’ve got to have total control over how our child is raised and what he learns, sees, etc, all of which are true. However, there are times when you are going to want to intervene, look at the time, do the busy work, but I encourage you to fight that urge. Just be a witness to your child’s existence. You will appreciate the joy and elation it brings as you can see every fiber of their being expanding and growing. It helps bring you back to the present moment because your child will never be this young again. Cherish it.
Forget about what YOU want to do
It’s ALL about baby now. This is oh so true. That’s just part of the sacrifice of motherhood. When they’re tiny infants it’s not so bad, but once mobility occurs it’s all about them and their flourishing independence. So we don’t have enough time to do the hobbies or clean the house the way we want. Especially for moms, we’d go two weeks without brushing our teeth or hair just because we feel like we can’t. I really don’t understand where that feeling stems from because we CAN and we SHOULD. Which leads right into my next point.
Have a self care hour/day/routine
MOMS NEED TO CARE FOR THEMSELVES AS MUCH AS THEY TAKE CARE OF THEIR CHILDREN. I’ll say it again, don’t forget about yourself just because you have a baby. It took me 20 months to start taking care of myself and now I’m saying ‘damn why didn’t I do this sooner?’ Tell your significant other to sit with the baby while you take one hour, just ONE HOUR, to yourself. Go shower, read, sleep, leave, whatever you want. That is your hour. Why shouldn’t you care for yourself like you care for someone you love?
Ask for help and support
Whether it’s the significant other, a family member, a nanny, a doula, a friend, a dog, you should remember that you have the power to ask for help or support when you’re feeling overwhelmed or stressed. Don’t carry that weight alone because you’ve already carried a child, birthed it, and now you carry it and yourself around. When you need help, don’t fear the question. It DOES NOT make you weak, it actually makes you stronger because you can recognize that point of overflow before it boils over and you spontaneously cut all your hair off. Yes. I did that at one point. No biggie. On the flip side though it does make you stronger because you’re taking control of the situation and are courageous enough to stand up for yourself!
Get as much sunshine as possible
I’m talking direct sunlight, outside, UV, no sunscreen, sunlight. If you’re able to wake up with the sun and step out there for ten minutes, five even. While the baby’s sleeping, allow your circadian rhythm to reset and remember how it needs to flow. While you’re probably up to pee or find a burp cloth for the next feeding, step outside for even sixty seconds. When it comes to direct sunlight, even the tiniest bit makes a huge difference.
Sleep with your baby
Another one that I may get some poop for but I cloth diaper, I deal with sh*t everyday. With this I’m not talking about taking a nap in the living room while your baby is asleep in the rocker or crib, I mean falling asleep with that baby. Now full discloser if you’re a heavy sleeper or take medication this may not be a good idea for you. But the importance of skin to skin, having the baby be able to smell you near, and physical touch in general is crucial to form that energetic bond that evolves into a deeply seeded sixth sense.
Journal to ease mind restlessness
Seems silly because it’s so simple! My fourth trimester I began posting on Instagram A LOT. There’s nothing wrong with that either! I would post long winded, basically blog posts, about what I was going through, feeling and learning. Little did I know, it was an extremely helpful form of journaling. It doesn’t have to be sitting down with pen and paper, journal prompts and gratitude exercises. It could be anything from a tweet to a long form email to an old friend. Getting that emotion out and not bottling all the feelings, good or bad, relieves you of the gravity of this whole transition.
Find other moms
I was hesitant to do this at first because I live in a new state and am coming out of a very big introvert stage in my life. I didn’t just want to make friends with coastie moms or meet people on an app. Although I was adverse to that at first I couldn’t be more glad to have the friends I do. Mom and non parent alike. It took me time and it was well over due by the time I began reaching out and began to feel the tingle to leave and relate to other adults beyond Instagram. Whether it’s MOPS, church, an app, the neighborhood walking parents, Facebook groups, whoever, find other people who parent in a similar fashion and have those same values that you’re working out. You’ll thank yourself in the long run.
Drink lots of water
Simple of course. That’s just my life! So you think you already drink a lot of water? You probably don’t. Just drink maybe two cups more than you already do. Another one your body will thank you for. Since we are mainly water beings, we need to constantly replenish and refill ourselves. Especially as parents. Our wells are forever being drank from, and that’s completely okay because we offered it up to the greatest creation we can make. So fill that well back up as often as you can because we don’t want to eventually become empty!
Manage time well
Now this seems obvious too and you’d think they say this in the books but it’s so hard to get your routines back together once a new human comes into the mix. Everything is a different rhythm than before so attempting to keep all the same routines and schedules you had will be nearly impossible! Don’t get me wrong you definitely will get back into the flow with time and practice. Now you’ll simply need to make adjustments. You’ll need to let go a little bit of the idea that you can control every situation. Let yourself rest and bask in the newness of the life you’ve created and allow that to excite you and ignite the change ahead!
I hope these few things could help you on your journey. There may be other things the parenting books don’t tell you, but for now these are what have IMMENSELY helped me get through.
Even when you over prepare, nothing truly prepares anyone for this new bundle of joy that’s just came earth side. All you can do is listen to your body, acknowledge your mental state, and watch as your child graces the place with its very existence. Go lightly and peacefully and all will be well!
Do you have any other things the parenting books don’t tell you? Was there information that you found super helpful in any of them? I’d love to hear which ones and what it was!
In gratitude, Tayler
