When I was younger I tried my best to find purpose in everything, I never thought being a mother could bring that to me. I wandered this way and that way, through different theology, ideology, various paths to find my calling.
Nothing seemed to stick. I seemed to endlessly fail and start right back at square one.
At my parents.
Alone.
Unhappy.
Asking the heavens, why?
Considering Motherhood
I never really considered having children. Mainly because as a child I had medical issues that caused me to take copious amounts of prescribed medicine. I was convinced I couldn’t have children and I hadn’t met a man that seem to be the right fit.
Then I met someone who I actually wanted to have children with. Physiologically, mentally, emotionally. I was ready the moment I met my husband. I knew I’d marry him and we’d have three boys. Two have already happened thus far.
A Mother Found
When my first was born I knew. I knew what was happening was exactly right. This was what I was meant to be doing. I finally found the right path. After years of detours, road blocks and wrong turns. My destination was in sight.
It was a hard first year, no doubt. New state, new role, new life. Eventually I unlearned and relearned my entire thought pattern. I had found my balance with one.
Then along came my second. It seemed like it was hard transition at first but it was easier than I anticipated. It had become a second nature and I didn’t have to look every little thing up. Motherhood was muscle memory now.
Being a SAHM with my first really put me in a good position to understand who I was and what I needed to do. I set myself up for success with my second.
The Mother I’ve become
Now I’ve come to realize this is the happiest I’ve ever been since I was a child. I’ve struggled to find that joy, that pure bliss.
Becoming a mother has brought me closer with God, my family and myself. I find joy in EVERYTHING now.
The good..
Snuggles in the morning
Quiet moments of independent play
Discovery of nature
The bad…
Synced up tantrums
Sleepless nights of nursing and toddler kicks in bed
Broken things that are irreplaceable
Even the ugly…
The pile of dishes from yesterday
Living out of a laundry basket
Sticking my hand in poop
All of it has taught me to love every second of it. Because that’s the only time I’ll get whatever that moment may be. No minute is the same. No day is identical.
I decided shortly after I found out I was pregnant with my second that I wanted to blog again. Like this. Not like the people who just do it for a passive income. I tried that, and I’m not in this for money. It’d be nice of course, but I’m in this to share stories and connect.
I want other moms to know that it’s okay being a homemaker or a stay at home mom. It’s okay to not have a career that pays. This career path I chosen is the best and funnest job I’ve ever had, and I don’t get paid a cent for it. It’s okay to not be ready or have it all figured out.
Now, there’s so much joy in this life. I’ve finally found it. I can’t imagine it any other way. The joy mother hood has brought to my heart has expanded seven fold. Everyday gets better and brighter, if you can believe it.
I hope you can find the same in whatever path you’re on. ❤️
In Gratitude,
Tayler
