There were so many plans I had made. I wanted to blog-along as I was pregnant. Take a lot of cute maternity pictures. Do a lot of crafts with my children. All of those were thrown out the window with this pregnancy. This entire year has been challenging but particularly having a stressful pregnancy was my number one anxiety- maker.
This is my fourth pregnancy. I had a miscarriage last summer which I took VERY hard. So hard that my ulcerative colitis flared up for the first time in 9 years about a month after. There was a lot of extra stress going on at the time which triggers many auto immune diseases. For example, re-joining the coast guard, leaving our home, being separate from my husband, and another in-law moving into our house. I speak very briefly on the miscarriage over here on my ignored substack.
Needless to say, I was very fearful when I found out I was pregnant again. Grateful too of course, but couldn’t shake the nervousness of potential miscarriage again. In my stress, my UC flared yet again. Triggered by fear and anxiety the first trimester of this stressful pregnancy was exactly that, STRESSFUL. I was so scared that this would affect the baby or make me miscarry again. My whole being felt completely wrecked. Between pregnancy symptoms and auto immune symptoms, I just prayed and prayed and prayed. I tried my best to be faithful and leave it up to God. That proved to be much harder than I thought.
The current situation, such as it is
Now, writing this at 7 months pregnant, I’m so glad I did and still do. Because there was very little I could do or control in the situation. I changed my diet to a very bland, high protein BRAT diet, had my pregnancy supplements , drank a lot of water and rested as much as needed. That meant putting on tv for my kids more than I wanted. Letting them LITERALLY ‘roll around in the dirt like worms’ most every day and just being okay with it as I would bathe all of the dirt off of them every night.
Throughout all of this my husband was in and out of military classes, flying back to the east coast for a few weeks at a time. He worked in the city with overnight stays and crazy long hours. Then on top of that he deployed for five months back in June.
His expected arrival home is November 1 and my due date is November 2.
So I moved. I moved back home to Idaho to stay with in-laws and nieces to be with friends and family again. So as to not sit idly alone in Washington and leave my mind wandering and anxious, alone without any support for the remainder of my pregnancy.
I kept very very convicted and firm in my faith because that seemed to be the only thing I had a true grasp on. All that prayer, which for some reason I felt silly about because I pray A LOT, ended up being not only heard but answered.
My husband’s deployment was cut short and he returned home to us at the end of August. It was an absolute miracle. I was so nervous about birthing alone. Who’s going to watch my children and will they be okay without dad, will I even be okay and able without dad? There was so my craze wrapped up around him not making the birth. I worried like a mother with a sick child CONSTANTLY about it.
He’s home. By some divine intervention, he was brought home to me healthy, safe, and early.
Lately, on the stressful pregnancy front
I haven’t had much to say publicly during this stressful pregnancy. It’s just been such a whirlwind. My words and voice sound different, things don’t come out right (thank you pregnancy brain!), I had a random cyst that I had removed at 17 weeks on my birthday no less! My father was in the hospital with some severe issues, my sister had a baby, my step father had a major heart which major surgery followed. I almost lost this blog due to lack of time management! It has just been … a stressful pregnancy but also an extremely trying year. We knew it would be between wanted to try again with a baby, moving, military, moving again, but we trusted the choices we made and knew they’d work out if we remained steadfast in our faith and our goals.
Now at 29 weeks, my flare is completely cleared up, my pregnancy seems to be as healthy as my first two, and my family has been reunited! I haven’t had much prenatal care. Another faith-filled adventure! Although, from the two visits I’ve had, they say everything looks completely fine and normal and I seem very healthy.
I have so many things I want to share with you all. I’m hoping this can be a good re-emergence back into my love of blogging and writing. Lots of good articles in the works between miscarriage grief, pregnancy meals and nutrition, getting through summer being mega pregnant and much much more my friends.
I’ve missed this and I hope I don’t disappear again, at least not for too long!
In deep gratitude do I thank you friends,
Tayler
