I have had many friends in my 29 years. From across a number of states. In my maiden days, I traveled as often as I could speaking with anybody that piqued an interest in my heart. Even if they didn’t and I saw them I would want to cross paths with them. I wanted to see and speak with everyone I could. I put a lot of pressure on myself to find everyone, meet them all, have all the experiences…now..not so much.
Hastily, I began considering myself a ‘writer’ during that time because I wrote (and ditched) my first book, and it was based on the variety of humans I experienced. I loved it. I relished it. It was a beautiful thing to witness all these different facets of God in so many different forms. And what I learned is that is really is all the same form. At the core. We’re all one.
I know that sounds all hippie dippy or woo woo, but I believe that whole heartedly.
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When we moved to Idaho, I obviously had no friends. And I really didn’t feel the need to make new ones. I still don’t feel the pull to go out of my way to join the mom groups and do the play dates. I haven’t exchanged numbers with anyone, nor have I shared even my name with many people. A few passing parents at the playground, no doubt, but I really just feel so very, very content in the world I’m creating. My family have become my best friends and I enjoy that as a tradition in and of itself. That’s what the pioneers did, that’s what a lot of our ancestors did. They had each other and that was all they knew.
And they were happy with that. Of course, friends are always inevitably found over time and just becoming a local after being a tourist in your new hometown.
But I just don’t feel compelled to branch out. I’m still in the rooting phase. I want to be sure those roots are strong and firm and steady in their place. So that when the strong winds of change gust through at 100 mph then I can be ready and go even deeper instead of being uprooted.
I’ve tried the mom groups here and there. Church groups at few different fellowships. Even library play times. It’s just bad timing for our family.
Timing and the simple fact that I have no clue/desire to small talk anymore. When I speak with people, I don’t want it to be an iceberg relationship. I can’t handle surface level communication any longer. I want friends on a soul level. Beneath the surface. To the core.
My husband will occasionally put extra pressure me to go out and make friends when I’m getting unharmonious, and he can see it. But what he doesn’t realize is that it’s not socializing I want/need, it’s soul and spirituality. My energy needs a shift, I need to move through it gracefully but sometimes Spirit can be uncomfortable. Because it’s just a lot of moving energy from one point to another.
I know this got a little far out. Even for me. But thank you for sticking it out if you got this far. Let’s put less pressure on ourselves today. Let us mothers and new moms not be weary of all the many hats we wear!
Perhaps you’re one of the soul connections needed? Maybe your spirit wants to move and it led you here? I’d love to dive deeper!
In gratitude,
Tayler
