The seasons are shifting. Leaves fall whether they want to or not. The trees strip down to bare branches and trunks; revealing everything for the winter to take hold of them. Strengthening their root systems and ultimately, making them stronger despite the lack of foliage. My leaves are falling off and I don’t feel ready for them to go. I’m cold and bare and I don’t want things to change yet. It doesn’t matter what I want though. God will prune my branches and leaves whenever He sees fit. No, it won’t be comfortable. I probably won’t be ready for it. Part of me wants to of all the things, and the other part wants to do absolutely nothing. I need to be ready, prepare myself and my mind. Yet I just want the river take me downstream as I just crash amongst the white water and banks.
I used to get horribly depressed when the winter came. When I was young and over dramatic, I thought it would be the death of me. Just the death of my mind, in a way, it turns out. The lack of sun, the freezing of my bones; I couldn’t take it when I was younger.
Switching from maiden to mother has given me strength beyond measure. And far expanded my capacity as a woman and a human in general really. I’ve learned how to manage my past anxieties. Tend to them as I tend to my home and children. I no longer fight them and argue with them. An ongoing battle I fought which ended in hesitant pharmaceuticals, poisonous relations, self toxicity and many other ‘negative’ outcomes. I put negative in quotes because they aren’t negative really in my mind. They were more of challenges that I needed to train better for. I was ill-equipped so I sinned and missed that target by a long shot.
However, now in my life I feel much more prepared for said obstacles. Mentally and emotionally. Now when I pull back the bow my aim is better, my eyes are fixed, hands steady, breath even. I know how to do this.
Inhale, exhale.
Seasonal depression aka seasonal affective disorder, can be eased. We just need to find what works best for us. Maybe it’s one simple thing like moving to Florida where it’s always one season. Or maybe you’re like me and enjoy a myriad of choices to make a smooth transition.
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These are what have helped me embrace the winter and really be able to look forward to it with joy instead of anticipation and anxiousness.
How I handle seasonal depression (seasonal affective disorder)
Drink A LOT of warm beverages plus room temperature water. I get very dry externally during the winter so I’m sure to have my stash of lush lotion and herbs for teas like chai and golden milk. I practice a lot of Ayurvedic medicine because that’s simply what works best for me, so I try to intake a lot of ‘warming’ spices during the fall season. It helps prepare my body to hold that warmth during the cold months.
Invest in quality sweaters, socks, and hats. Wool, cashmere and cotton are best. I buy them as gently used as I can. I have invested in base layers and learned to layer PROPERLY to ensure maximum warmth.
Tend to my hair and skin more. I actually do my hair more in the winter. Not fancy, but braids and trying new random styles that look simple and functional for a mom of young children. It’s easy to get lost and feel grumpy in the layers of coziness.
When the sun is out, I should be too. Even if it’s snowing or raining I’ll try to go out for just five minutes if the sun is shining. Even micro doses of vitamin D make a difference.
Find an autumn play list. I have my go to artists that always bring me into the new season. I’m currently finding more with the help of computer algorithms and the wonderful world wide web. But find that ambience that brings you to love the ‘sweater weather’.
Earthing and cold showers. These are extreme, I know. But they’ve really had an impact on my nervous system. I go barefoot for short periods of time, then immediately put on warm socks afterward. And the cold showers…well it’s just for a few seconds at the end of a regular shower. I’m working up to doing them for longer than 10 seconds.
LOTS of nourishing food, soups stews, baked goods, etc. I’ve really dove into slow food upon meeting my husband and discovering Weston Price & Nourishing Traditions. It’s healed my ulcerative colitis, depression, anxiety and overall well-being. So yes, I eat liver and take cod liver oil and drink raw milk when I can.
Open the windows for a few minutes. If the weather permits it getting fresh air circulating around the house is INCREDIBLE. Just a few minutes to clear out the stuffiness of the dry heated air.
Aromatherapy may also seem like one of those far out ways to help but it actually works. Smells have such a strong connection to different parts of our brain and limbic system, memory and emotions. While I don’t heavily rely on essential oils to ease any ailments, they absolutely help to create the atmosphere of beauty and joy. My current seasonal favorite have been frankincense & jasmine together (for focus & femininity) and rosemary and tea tree.
The seasons are something we were once deeply rooted in. Now I’m not so sure how most peoples root systemslook. Mine used to be terrible, shallow and brittle. Strong winds would knock me right over. Nowadays, my roots are buried deep, and are ever stretching outward and holding tight to the rich soil I steward on a consistent basis. Metaphorically, of course. Yet, it is the only way I can describe it. In a lovely, but simple, tree analogy.
I never even realized I had ‘seasonal affective disorder’, I always thought I just hated the winter. It has taken me years to unravel these minute facets of myself. And it is an ongoing tapestry. One thread is pulled which inevitably pulls sixteen other threads and fabric pieces I didn’t even realize were holding all these parts together.
If someone like me, who couldn’t (perhaps it was that I simply didn’t have the desire) to hold down a job, who feared commitment to the point of spartanism, sought every path I had to “numb out” in hard times, can move in, through, and past seasonal depression disorder then I know you can too. It takes time and grace just as everything else in life does. I had to learn to love myself for being able to let this go. Maybe on some level I liked having something wrong with me simply because the seasons shifted. perhaps I enjoyed seeming like a delicate flower that would bend at the wills of the wind.
However, no longer does that phrase describe me. Sometimes letting go of those pieces of myself that I think are ‘wrong’, aren’t that. Moreso, unharmonious in my current life. There isn’t anything wrong with me, just unbalanced. A simple tilt on the scales. I just needed (and still am learning) how to tilt them.
In gratitude,
Tayler
