When I chose this path for myself, there was a lot of push back from my surrounding family and peers. Not so much of ‘you can’t do that’ as it was ‘why are you doing this?’. It was a path that would take me across state lines, away from family and long time friends. Away from a life that was leading me nowhere and unsatisfied. I’ve always had trouble slowing down, and I loved to be busy. It made me feel productive and lively.
However, I’ve struggled with depression since my senior year of high school and always was seeking something beyond what was right in front of me. So when my husband proposed and told me he was moving out of state, something deep within pulled me to say yes without hesitation, fear, or doubt.
These days I don’t spend my time looking for the next festival or live music show. Although those are two things I absolutely enjoy, they aren’t a priority anymore.
I had no idea how to slow down when I first moved up to New Jersey. I felt compelled to find a job, find the local spots, find friends. Then when I had my first son, all that went up in flames because a child will certainly throw a wrench in any big plans you had.
Even as a new mom I felt the societal pressures of finding a mom group, posting about my life on instagram, have a side hustle. It was too much. I couldn’t even get all my dishes done, let alone try to post some bologna on social media.
Where I began to slow down
It first started with deleting social media. That was the easiest thing to eliminate from my life because it was causing me so much anxiety to try and post daily with meaningful content and all the right tags. That was right when covid began in March/April of 2020, and I couldn’t be more happy with my decision. To this day I don’t have an Instagram and rarely post on Facebook. I really keep that so I can sell things on marketplace 🙂
The next step I took was say no to more social events. The reason for that being it was causing me anxiety too. Having to talk to moms and tell them I was struggling with the new mom/ new wife/ new state balance. It was all too much.
I began writing again. Not just Instagram posts which were helpful in the big picture, but I began writing for ME. Not for follows or likes or anyone of that nonsense that just isn’t real. I began journaling and blogging more as an outlet o for my restless mind. It was so relieving to just pour it all out without tags or photo filters.
The hardest part was learning to LET GO. Not just letting go of the girl I used to be to embrace the woman I wanted to become, but let go of the past. My past self, past life, friends, ideals, stuff, ALL OF IT. Even unlearning a lot habits and thought patterns ingrained in my subconscious that I was completely unaware of. Such as leaving dirty dishes or messy toys for a night if I was completely burnt out. I never realized how having a spotless house was a learned habit from my mother. It’s okay to a have mess for a day.
How I remedied my busy-ness
This was where the real challenge began. How can I be productive, keep a (relatively) clean home, and still have time for myself?
I felt like I was CONSTANTLY needing to do something. Clean the cloth diapers, start meal prepping, write down my feelings, read to my child, walk the dogs. Something needed to happen.
I had to sacrifice certain things to make room for what was MOST important. Like my side hustle and crafting for profit. Downsizing a lot of my crafts to what I would NEED to make for my baby or around my home. No longer did I want to have the weight of the supplies if I didn’t have the time to make it, let alone sell it at a show.
I also simply donated the old vintage clothes I didn’t wear but was too stubborn to get rid of. I deleted my apps for selling like Etsy and Depop to avoid temptation in buying or selling. All of those side hustles took up so much time and space and my life and after being rid of them I felt the weight lifting from my mind.
Each morning, I began making a list for the day. What NEEDED to get done, and what I WANTED to do. Making a very simple plan for the day was the most useful tool that I still do to this day.
Cleaning as I go is another thing I do my best to accomplish throughout the day. That is something I’m still working on but it would make for a simple life for sure if I just stuck to it!!
Spending less time on my phone and on the tv, really just cutting most of that out during the day has opened up a lot of free time to fill with play time and necessary house work.
I also created a bullet journal as a fun art project for myself and a tool I can use to help organize my cleaning routines and write out my goals and such. Having some kind of system was good for me just so it wasn’t all scrambling around in my head.
Big changes are in my near future. Just within the next year, I’ll have my second son, move out of state, buy a home, sell everything we own, live with an in-law, and start our forever home.
During that time life will seemingly get a lot more complicated. Two kids, new house, more mouths to feed, more land to tend. I plan to remedy that by picking up new skills and widening my horizons to tackle the big dream of our family. Its not the easiest to keep a simple life when there will be so much going on, but taking it day by day, moment by moment, that’s the key.
Where my simple life is headed
Gardening much more with the land that we will have. That will eventually expand into livestock and more self sustaining practices.
Homemaking skills education and practice such as canning, restarting a sourdough culture, basically those old pioneer skills that save you money and are just good sense to know.
Creating a space for myself in the form of an unofficial studio if space allows, or even just a small corner of a room where I can do yoga, read or write. A place of peace just for me.
Less stuff, more experience. We plan to sell just about everything when we make our big move. Having less stuff to worry about and buy makes for a lot of space and time to have memorable family experiences.
I will eventually delete my facebook when I gather some distant family contact info. I just don’t go on there anymore and only use it for the marketplace advantage. So when its a tool I need it may come back into my life but for now its a complete waste of time and energy.
Slowly reintroducing my hobbies back into my life. I’ve sacrificed a lot for my family and just for the betterment of my being so I don’t miss most of it, although I miss being able to read a book in a week or sew projects that are unfinished. When I find the balance of two kids, a new state, new home, new everything, I’ll invite those forms of entertainment back into my life.
Creating the life you want is simple
Its not a matter of bringing in more stuff or resources or information so that you have everything you need around you. Its all within us, we have everything we need within ourselves. You want a simple life? Then slow down, get organized, eliminate what doesn’t serve that, which for me was A LOT.
I just didn’t realize it until I had a baby and left my past behind me. It was hard becoming a new parent and learning the balance between yourself and baby. Not to mention husband, job, community, all the other social aspects of life.
Then being a fulltime homemaker was a whole new struggle. I felt like there was so much to be done; the cooking, cleaning, child care, self care, all of it. I felt even busier than when I had a job.
However it presented new opportunities to learn the skills I’ve always wanted to learn such as bread making and gardening. Skills that I never knew were so gratifying until they became a regular routine in my life.
There’s always going to be things to do, but that work isn’t going anywhere. Time is precious and having the mindset of wanting to simplify life is a best place to start.
I invite you to start right now!
In Gratitude,
Tayler
